My husband – a man who was raised Catholic but rejected religion and gets upset if he’s called a Catholic – has never understood why I call myself Jewish. Although both my parents were Jewish, our family had no connection with our city’s small Jewish community, didn’t believe in God, didn’t keep kosher, didn’t even go to shul on High Holidays. Most of my life I knew no Jews outside my family, let alone have any Jewish friends. I don’t look stereotypically “Jewish.” I feel as out of place in a synagogue service as I do in a Christian one. So my answer to my husband was always, “I am a Jew because to the Hitlers of the world I am a Jew.” Never have I felt that more strongly than since October 7, 2023.
Like many (presumably most) Jews worldwide, I have been obsessed since that date with following the conflict in Israel/Gaza. As with so many diaspora Jews, I had thrown my hands up in frustration with the excessive influence of the ultra-religious fanatics in Israel, and their distressing takeover of the Israeli government. I was heartened to see the massive anti-Netanyahu demonstrations and dared to hope that things were about to change there. Tragically, because of the Hamas butchery things have changed but not in the way so many of us were hoping for.
Now I feel my isolation as a Jew as never before. I am outraged at how the world has been so quick to set aside the horrors committed by Hamas, the fact that Hamas knowingly provoked this war and intentionally uses innocent civilians, including their own sick and children, as human shields. Furious that Hamas still holds some 240 hostages (including babies and grandparents), many of whom were lifelong peace activists. Why isn’t every demand for a ceasefire paired with a demand for a release of all the hostages? It is horrible to see what is happening in Gaza yet much of the world seems to have decided that only Palestinian lives matter.
At the same time as feeling this anger, I am heart-sick over the killing of such a huge number of Palestinians, many of whom dislike Hamas and simply want to live their lives in peace. It is easy for us to say, well, they chose Hamas so they got what was coming to them. But they chose Hamas over an extremely corrupt alternative back in 2006 and have not been allowed to vote again since then. That’s nearly two decades without an election; longer than almost half its residents have been alive. Is it fair to blame all residents of a region for the behaviour of the dictators who rule them?
The brutality of the Hamas attack, its celebration in so many quarters, and the sharp rise in global anti-semitism proves yet again that Jews do need a state of our own. We cannot rely on the rest of the world for safety. Hitler was not the first to try to get rid of all Jews. I’m currently living in Spain and recently listened to a well-educated tour guide complain that Spain gets an unfair bad rap for its expulsion of the Jews 500 years ago: Spain was not the only country to have expelled and slaughtered Jews. It was actually quite common in the Middle Ages. Expulsions and attacks against Jews have been going on since Roman times. Even during the Holocaust many so-called “civilized” countries turned the Jews away. Anti-semitism runs deep. Given this history – and present-day reality – I can understand why the Israeli government feels it is vital that they provide a strong deterrent to more attacks. But surely there must be a better way than killing so many innocent Gazans?
Or is there? What is perhaps most frustrating about this situation is that there are no easy answers. I have been accused by people on both sides of being a horrible human simply because I refuse to paint this story in black and white. I keep reading and listening to podcasts in the hopes of finding an answer that makes sense: that can provide the safety Israelis need and a better future for Gazans. When I ask the anti-Israelis attacking me, what would you have done in the face of the barbaric Hamas slaughter of October 7, nobody has an answer. Their answer is basically, “not this.” The more extreme among them simply blame Israel even for the Hamas attack. When I ask those on the other side if they are really OK with massive killing of innocent civilians, their answer is “what choice does Israel have when Hamas is using civilians as human shields?” The more extreme among them blame Gazans, saying they all want Israel wiped off the face of the earth. Tragically, even the Gazans who didn’t feel that way about Israel before probably do now.
Nobody seems to have an answer that works, and so few people are even willing to acknowledge that simplistic answers won’t work. So please, let’s not oversimplify and demonize everybody on the other side. That won’t lead to anything other than more death and destruction. We need to accept the hard work of listening, not just shouting, if we are ever to get to a place of peace.
