I knew when we married, 30 years ago, that my husband was a much more physical person than I. I valued that he dragged me out for walks every day, and, over time, into more challenging bike rides and hikes. But what I didn’t expect was that once he retired he’d zoom towards even more strenuous physical activity, while my body kept hitting me with physical challenges. This divergence of physical capability is just one of many reasons why so many retired couples we’ve met find themselves pulled in differing directions. When we downsized from a big house to a small apartment and discussed it with other couples, we invariably found that one spouse loved that idea while the other hated it. When grandchildren are born, one spouse may want to relocate to be near them whereas the other – while happy to have brief visits – has no desire to become a daily or weekly hands-on grandparent. You can’t always find compromises that make both people happy, but sometimes – with a little creativity – you can.
I must admit that I was a tad envious when my husband kept going off for beautiful camping-hiking trips in the Rockies this summer, and even a canoeing trip in Algonquin Park in Ontario, while I sat home in Edmonton. Don’t get me wrong: I loved having the house to myself, and pleasant city walks, rides and dinners with friends. I wouldn’t have wanted to climb up icy shale fields and freeze in a tent for days on end. But still, he was having adventures, and I wasn’t.
Now, here in Andalucía, Spain, thanks to modern e-bike technology, I’m finally able to enjoy some adventures with him.
Today we did a 1,200 m climb on a 52 km route previously toured by the cyclists in the Vuelta d’España (the Spanish equivalent of the Tour de France). With the help of my battery assist, I happily moseyed along enjoying the scenery, while DH was dripping in sweat, pounding up the mountains well behind me. I would have hated to be doing it the way he was, but he loved the day! A perfect compromise.
Don’t give up: keep looking for ways you can both do what you enjoy, and still have happy times together. I used to feel guilty about using an e-bike – that it was “cheating”. But, as my friend, Brenda Collins (aka BC Deeks) — who’s had more than her share of physical challenges in recent years — put it, think of it as an “assistive device”. Why should I feel any worse about this than I did when I was stuck using a mobility scooter in London when I’d broken my leg? (More articles in that series at https://temafrank.com/tag/disability/ ) In both cases, the assistive devices have let me enjoy life when I could so easily have simply retrenched. Don’t let the world’s definitions of “normal” and Instagram images limit your choices. Explore the options and enjoy life on your terms.
